Tuesday 18 November 2014

im never the one that anybody wants

i cant even articulate myself at the moment i literally have no skills or talent i just feel so disgusting

Wednesday 5 November 2014

sleep deprivation always seems to enhance my mania. i literally can't sit still today and my brain won't slow down, to the point that it's almost physically painful. i've been shaking all day. i rearranged all of the books at the library and paced the tiny room over and over and felt sick with anxiety and excitement and all of these feelings that i have no idea what to do with. whenever people say that mania is just being 'really happy' or 'getting so much stuff done!' i just want to laugh because it always makes me hate myself intensely, even if my mental health has been pretty positive, and i never finish what i start.