i'm yours, ghosts and all

reading a lot of books, listening to a lot of bright eyes. missing my mother. feeling like i did when i was fourteen and wouldn't sleep for days. a dead body was just shown on the television. my body feels weird and heavy, i've never been so aware of the fact that i'm a decaying sack of blood, organs, and bones. working at the library is good. i feel a strange kind of contentment when i think about how my life is going nowhere. keep pushing writing deadlines back. keep drinking too much gin on the weekends. i feel like i'm a child again. i wish i was.