i'm yours, ghosts and all

i'm moving to serbia in two and a half days. i keep getting migraines and there is a patch of dry skin on my thigh that keeps returning. i'm convinced that there is something rotting inside of me. when things are going well in my life i think of death. i drive slowly and am scared to merge. i avoid the motorway. i flinch whenever a large vehicle overtakes me. 27 years old and still my all-encompassing pervasive reaction to happiness is the expectation that soon i will be devoured by the wheels of a ten ton truck on the a45.